️ ️⚡ Today’s level up ⚡

Today’s edition focuses on practical strategies that will help you navigate the turbulence of a demanding role with the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner.

Let’s go!

Our role is both a blessing and a curse

I received this DM in my inbox a while back.

Heavy.

Constant travel, high pressure, long hours, juggling priorities, missed anniversaries and birthdays … it’s hard! I wish I could say this is an outlier, but sadly, it is all too common in our demanding profession of enterprise and strategic sales.

I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs with my wife, Lisi. We recently had a blow-up because managing my ambition and the need for a healthy relationship is a lot to handle (for both of us).

I wish I could also say it gets easier over time, but the fact is, it doesn’t. I believe the best thing that happens is that you both better understand and support one another.

The goal is to minimize the number of times each of you explodes (like active volcanoes that collide and erupt simultaneously).

Today, I want to share valuable insights, research, and tips I’ve learned along the way that can help you and your partner work as a strong unit (instead of opposing forces). This will allow you to find a happy harmony between elevating your craft, providing for you and your family’s future, and being present with the most important person in your life.

This journey starts with you.

“We” starts with a solid “You”

Self-awareness is foundational to any form of personal growth and, by extension, to the health of one's relationship with one's partner.

Research underscores the benefits of self-awareness, noting that it enhances decision-making, improves relationships, and increases emotional intelligence. These qualities are essential in a high-pressure sales career, where understanding one's emotional triggers and stressors can significantly impact one's interactions and relationships at home.

I’ve shared the importance of developing personal routines to boost professional performance, but being a human first and a professional second is the way I like to look at everything I do … purposefully. Simply put, that means I try to fill my human cup first before I take on a challenging work task.

This could involve meditation, reading The Daily Stoic, journaling, or writing my wife a love note in the morning before I tackle work. All these things are waiting for me inside Sunsama when I open my computer each day.

I shift from I have to do these things to I get to do them. With a mindset of gratitude and abundance as my compass, life and work feel like a fun game I get to play.

Because these moments of self-reflection are naturally built into my day, that means, especially when times get hectic and stressful, it’s easier to remember the things that keep me grounded, humble, and grateful. Then, when I come together with Lisi, I can be more present with her because I don’t have anything that feels lacking in my personal and professional life.

It’s not always perfect, but it’s certainly better than operating in chaos, constantly reactive to a Slack notification or an email ping on my phone. With each task assigned a specific time and place, I know when I can be 0% available, 50% available, or 100% available, rather than 30% available all the time.

Connecting the dots between what they need and what you want

Effective relationships are built on a mutual understanding and meeting of needs.

Modern research aligns with these ideas, showing that successful relationships are often characterized by partners who regularly invest in understanding each other’s emotional states and support needs. This can mean recognizing when you or your partner needs space, when they need support, or when it’s best to share joyous moments together.

Let’s face it: what we do is selfish—although it may not feel that way.

We’re working hard, making our own sacrifices to do big things and get better each day to provide for our family’s future, but the important thing to remember is that, ultimately, what we are doing is a choice. And that choice is going to come with tradeoffs—likely more for your partner, frankly, than you.

The best we can do is to first understand them, and then do our best, calmly, to be understood.

Below are five simple and effective ways to do so.

Simple and effective tips that help you work together, not against one another

1. Establish clear rules and boundaries

If you work from home with your partner, setting some ground rules will reduce uncertainties, stress, and unnecessary blow-ups.

If you have a dedicated office, shutting the door could mean “off limits—I’m on a call or I need to concentrate.” If the door is open, it could mean, “I’m working, but if you need me, come on in.”

Another option is to set up “flex” hours, where during a specific time in the day, you and your partner can communicate on things that need to be addressed, while the other times are reserved for getting your work done.

2. Communicate proactively

I can certainly improve in this department, but keeping your partner informed about your schedule and potential stressors is essential.

Don't hold back when working on a huge account or with a difficult client. Open up about what’s causing you stress.

Although they may not be able to provide specific advice, the simple act of sharing what’s troubling you releases and shares the burden.

That’s the power of a partnership—you don’t have to tackle hard things alone.

3. Schedule quality time together

Whether it’s a regular date night or simply scheduling a Sunday evening walk to discuss the week ahead, do your best to keep that time sacred.

The more consistent you can keep this rhythm, the more both of you can look forward to it.

Your partner is the most important “client” in your life. Therefore, always keep that appointment on the calendar.

4. Practice active listening

This can be combined with number three.

If it’s time to be together, really commit to being together. That means being fully present. Put your phone in Do Not Disturb mode and only accept calls or texts from emergency contacts (say if you have kids).

You’ve heard this a million times, but it’s true: “We have two ears and one mouth for a reason.”

5. Seek professional guidance

If harmonizing work and home life becomes too challenging, consider consulting a relationship counselor, therapist, or coach specializing in personalized strategies.

It’s never too late to make an effort, but you must be willing to take the first steps.

You and your partner came together for a reason. Sometimes, you need an outside or professional perspective to remember why and develop strategies that help you both relight the spark that’s gone dim.

Wishing you well on your journey!

That’s a wrap. 

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